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Celebrating the success of others - dealing with the distraction of envy.

When you are looking to achieve success or happiness in life you may often find you experience frustration, worry or even despair when you feel you are far from the goal, or you had a set back (or two). You may be a little lost on which way to go to get to where it is you want to be?

This may feel even more difficult to navigate if people around you are travelling faster or more directly to their goals, embracing opportunities and revelling in the freedom and happiness of living out their dreams.

In these instances your frustration might turn it's volume up to full and internally you could feel uneasy or uncomfortable being around people and their achievements.

Some call this envy, others jealousy.

For me this is an issue of safety, personal and integral safety for you. Those internal feelings of your stomach churning or your skin itching. Catching their words and spitting them in your mind.... this might be about vulnerability for you?

When we perceive that we don't have the answer "don't know the rules" start to see the gap between where we are and we want to head that can feel a little frightening.

When we compare others success to our own desires, it can be like looking ahead into two tunnels - for you your tunnel is dark and unclear. When you glance across at your colleague or friend you feel like their tunnel is clear and detailed and they are able to walk the route to the end already.

Envy isn't all bad mind, it can have a positive function at a benign level when it motivates us or inspires our aspirations.

If you find that your mind and body are working from a place of curiosity or adventure

"oooh how do I get what they have?" or "I want some of that please let's go" this maybe sits more comfortably physically for you.

It's always worth a check in with yourself though if your experience of envy is a churning pit that stagnates your own self belief.

More destructive thoughts include things like:

"well people like you would get that"

"why don't they just shut up about what they have"

At an extreme level you might find yourself getting hot-tempered (literally burning up with the fury of the jealous experience). You could even lose or gain your appetite, after all that hot-tempered feeling is burning some serious internal energy.

This experience can also trigger feelings of low self worth. You might say to yourself.

"I can never have that " or "I give up"

This creates unhelpful beliefs for us, you can feel helpless to get the answers, hopeless about the possibility of succeeding and perceive you are undeserved of what you strive for.

How we use the experience of other people's success and achievement can indeed hold bearing on our own ability to achieve for ourselves...

Let it eat you away and deplete you or let it fuel your fire and drive you forward.

Indeed you will find if you delve deeper that behind every story of success there are stories of effort, trial and retrial and even despairing failure (these all forge the success).

Be curious of those who succeed: There is power in a collective and embracing others achievements rather than seeing them as a comparison in the worthiness stakes is likely to make for a better fuel in life.

When we become distracted by the success of others as a currency against ourselves maybe we begin to change our potential to achieve for ourselves.

Remember, in your simplest terms you are a vessel. What you hold within can become the focus of your You if that is all that you put into view. Holding spite and jealousy and envy (as a negative form) will mean that vessel could overflow with some seriously unhelpful stuff (and no one wants to see a puddle of jealousy on the floor)!

Opening ourselves to celebration and enjoyment of others success is a useful way of learning how we will succeed for our self.

  • Define your own goals (they have to be truly right for you and who you are).

  • Joining in networks, communities and building collectives creates opportunities for you to listen, learn and nurture yourself towards your goal.

  • Learning to self accept will ultimately support your mission to succeed as you tap into the belief you can and the value of your capability.

  • Remember if your strategy to success isn't working you can change it.

  • Celebrate Diversity - once mans success might be another ones failure.

  • Trust yourself to learn from others, and be your own internal guide.

  • Excite in the power of "thank you" and "you are welcome".

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