I am the child within you.
I'm writing the blog this week to help you try and understand why the adult Us, sometimes feels not quite right.
By knowing how I, the child inside you, remains part of you. You can better know why things get tricky or scary sometimes. (even when an adult "should" be able to deal with it). A memory, an echo and still very much part of who We are now.
As the child in you, I was meant for playing, exploring, fun and learning. I didn't know that was what I was doing or suppose to do. I just did it.
If I was hungry, I was hungry.
If I wanted to do something, I just had a go.
If I didn't like something, I would usually just say. Because I hadn't figured out this weird "rules" thing, where you stop really knowing what's right for you and think more about fitting in.
In Gestalt Psychology most of the learning we did, and sorting out the rules of life for ourselves, begins to happen when a was 1-7 years old. This makes a puzzle of parts that make who we are in the world.
This is a pretty short space of time to figure stuff out all the important basics for later life.
There were times in our life though, where things just did not go to plan.
You would say I was upset, overwhelmed, badly behaved, too giddy, missed the obvious, if you saw us now.
You say that with the wisdom of our adult self.
I was just trying to figure stuff out. Sometimes getting the right stuff wrong and the wrong stuff right.
Just figuring out who we were going to be, but having no clue that that was what I was doing.
After all I am just a kid.
Things that felt big and scary in life were rules, adults, getting found out, missing out, getting told off. Being angry and not feeling loved when we needed it most but were too upset to tell people that's what was going on.
I didn't have the language to communicate these crazy feelings and thoughts. It's hard to make sense of the big wild world when you only have a few years of saying stuff.
Now, as an adult. If things get too much. Or overwhelming. Or are too unknown. That's when I show up.
In my best form, as the first time we learned to feel this way.
This can upset the apple cart. Because well, in your adult head and adult body. Being hijacked by a kid like me, might not be helpful.
I can only see the problem through my child eyes, I don't have all the answers and I'm likely to only know a hand full of behaviours to deal with this issue. Like being mischievous, or having a tantrum, or getting tired or even just distracting ourselves to make the feelings go a way a bit.
Not very helpful to our adult Self at all.
You can spot me in the way you feel, think and do stuff.
At the younger core, I am triggered by a need to feel safe and loved.
Let this be your first strategy to helping Us out of this pickle.
Give the tiny part of Us a good cuddle. So that we can make way for the more resourceful "adult" part to get into action, making us feel "better" and resolve the problem with our mature and resourceful mind.
It's amazing how showing Us self-love and compassion, in the face of over-whelm, challenges and uncertainty helps to grow up, get through and help make this over-whelm a little more insignificant than before.
So next time things feel a little out of sorts, just check its not me, the child in you scutching round our mind trying to figure it all out a little unleashed.
And if it is, just remember "I love you".