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This week’s blog focuses on the power of doing something for ourselves, or rather yourself. Yes, You!
In a world where we lead busy lives, with multiple roles and responsibilities, you might have found yourself with little space or time to do something that simply satisfies you (and maybe only you).
It can be easy to get into a pattern of compromising yourself and time for you, due to perceived expectations, obligations or the way in which you prioritize your time and values.
As a result of being lots of things, in different settings. You might have found the time you make to regularly “self-care” feels minimal.
This act of doing something for yourself is fantastic for our mental health. But so often we scrutinize, or let others scrutinize this choice of time as “forbidden”.
You may refer to this as “self-indulgence” or even state “ I am going to be selfish and…”
As if it’s somehow not permitted. An unspoken rule, that prevents you embracing the joy of self-discovery.
These statements discredit or place guilt on “self-efficacy. This sort of scrutiny, isn’t the kindest messages we can tell ourselves.
When you call things “self-indulgent” or “selfish” -when what you really mean is “ self-care” or “esteeming activities” -you send mixed messages to your brain about “good” and “bad”. Logically, we know time for ourself, doing something that we love would be positive. Yet the message of guilt can result in you avoiding making time for such tasks.
Narrating your time of self-care/kindness as “naughty” or “unimportant” will lead to a level of self- neglect.
( Unless you have a natural affinity for rule breaking, then you are likely to find yourself using this as an opportunity to procrastinate from responsibilities/deadlines)
You might also find that, if you have compromised these aspects of yourself over time. It feels even harder to make space back. It’s a shock to others, who have seen you flex your self-care and personal time, to accommodate everyone else but yourself. So that initial feeling of re-claiming your boundaries naturally feels a little unnerving and unexpected.
In making the hobbies, tasks, space and time with ourselves “taboo” and fearing “scrutiny” from others we also risk projecting this as an expectation within a peer group, family or working team. You might even find yourself berating someone who can freely take time for themselves. (when secretly if you really think about it you might wish you could be more like them).
To love oneself in this way, it becomes well. HOW VERY DARE YOU!
Choose to stop those habits today.
Choose to embrace a place that says Yes to topping up that self-worth battery!
Forgive yourself for the misshapen sentences that have fallen from your lips. That forbid you from a snippet of self-love. Remove yourself from the cage in which you believe others will think negatively of your acts and take a perch in some peaceful nothingness somewhere with yourself.
Create a part of you that is your most loyal companion.
Time with yourself is different to loneliness or isolation. You are consciously choosing to be in your own space and existence. And reap the rewards of being there. Within.
And here comes your call for action. Do one thing for yourself. Now, In an hour, soon.
The practice of doing something for One’s Self, like a hobby, personal development, goal or well-being activity is a great way to enhance your value.
Like what?
Here are just a few examples of something you could do for yourself.
Drawing/writing, a solo walk, a long bath, signing up to a course, a lie in or an early night, sorting a photo album, dancing to your favourite song, meditating or sitting silently, gazing at the stars or watching your favourite childhood film or making or creating something.
The basic rules;
Make it easy.
Make it something you love.
Notice how you feel when you are in it!
Make regular time for it.
In beginning to value our ability to do something for ourselves, with no agenda, we reap many benefits.
Reduces stress
Boost self esteem and confidence
Enhances relationships.
Energizes or relax ( or both)
Better resourced to problem solve and/or focus.
Joy and happiness – creating dopamine (The happy hormone) in our brain/body.
Learn or improve skills and abilities
Inspire others
As you invest in time for yourself. You begin to better understand and sense what you like/dislike and place yourself in a space of unconditional love. Where you are simply enough at that time/space.
Make You part of your regular lifestyle habits, great for happiness and well-being.
So do one thing for your Self today, tomorrow and the next.
Curious about more ways to be a better friend to yourself, get in touch to discuss how therapeutic coaching can help you with self-esteem and boosting happiness. Email: jennie-kate@jkchangework.life or whatsapp/text: 07537 922 458 to arrange a discovery call.
Or download this questionnaire by Positive Psychology that will guide you through development better internal self-worth.