Today I wanted to share with you the 6 pillars of self-esteem model, developed by Nathaniel Branden. These principles very much encourage the “practice of” each pillar. (An ongoing/living approach)
Considering how you can bring pillar principles into your life will help, particularly for people who are looking to increase confidence and reduce feelings of anxiety/worry about yourself.
Exploring models learning & development of “self” through reading, conversation, coaching & the like reaps benefits for self-care and wellness. If you struggle with anxiety or worry, you may wish to focus on seeking support to help you with these emotions first. However, some people also find that exploration of self-esteem at first reduced anxiety & worry ( where you feel the two are hand in hand).
Learning can have a transformative and instantaneous impact on our awareness and response to an issue. The practice or ongoing commitment to that thought/behaviour is what helps you to form a long lasting change.
Through this process comes the trust in the new resources, or the reflection to refine & evolve the approach.
Self-esteem forms our opinion of how we see ourselves and the meaning we draw from our experiences, our perception of self-worth. Self- Esteem is often “sourced” by external experiences, such as people’s reactions, our perception of success or progress and our ability to engage in environments we feel enhance and boost our sense of self.
The problem arises when you focus too much energy ( our “esteem-fuel” ) on external sources. (Particularly where you may at some time experienced a knock to your confidence). Self-esteem can be easily depleted in this circumstance, where the necessary external factors are unavailable and do not align to our personal rule of “what has to happen for me to feel good about myself”.
This concept is common in people who relate to “Imposterism” and a sense of conditional worth. Where a sense of Worth or self-validation is dependent on an external outcome or response and the feelings that go with that.
If the external “validation-factor” is not present may be left feeling something like confusion, disappointment, embarrassment, anxiety, or anger.
With out a sense of identity, personal worth and esteem we run out of steam.
Someone with a grounded sense of self-esteem may be regularly checking in with their sense of self on the inside (Callibrating thoughts & feelings). Living a lifestyle conducive with the factors that benefit contentedness & ease in life.
(Subconsciously or consciously knowing that external validation can be unreliable as a accessible resource)
Alongside the 6 pillars of esteem principles, the prospect of building unconditional worth into your life is one way you can begin to build esteem within, that relies less of the validation of external forces & more on the internal validation & action of yourself. (Complimenting the pillar of “Self- Acceptance”.)
I used to wince a little when people talked about daily gratitude journals, but these days I am converted. Noting what we are grateful for (in thought, putting pen to paper, or even saying aloud) helps firstly to change our state. When we focus on the good, and the stuff we have we bring yourself into the present and we also cultivate some amazing chemistry inside our body (thank you brain!)
The way we esteem yourself is the way that we self-care. The habits we keep, the hobbies we choose, the information we absorb, the friends we keep and the solitude we find peace in.
Gratitude gives mind a sense of abundance and not deficit, living less in comparison to others. Noticing the who you & and what that offers you in life. And whilst the logic or self-critic might think this is all smoke & mirrors, in truth the only moment we ever really know is the moment just now ( and that’s just gone) so seeking ways to “practice” and reaffirm what your mind, body and character have to offer is the beginning of growing that sense of self-efficacy
You can learn more about the 6 pillar model here
Share your thoughts, reflections and ideas in the comments.
Title Picture - Unsplash Sydney Rae
Picture Source @myjourney.app
6 Pillas of Self- Esteem Nathaniel Branden (1994)