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Life has a tendency of throwing us all sorts of unplanned and unexpected experiences. Some of these can be challenging, unfamiliar and even scary. They may result in feeling hurt or shamed or at a loss.
Equally they can be opportunities and possibilities, exciting and yet unnervingly new.... that reap the most remarkable life changing experiences for us, for the better.
When good stuff is thrown your way, you may be inclined to be sceptical, to feel less trusting and disbelieving of such a possibility... a new job, a connection with someones' infectious personality, an influx of income or a coincidental circumstance beyond imagination.....Good stuff may be hard to accept "too good to be true".... over analysing and scrutinising the situation to look for flaws?... Perhaps hidden behind a narrative of "I can't surely deserve this can I"?
For those who experience harder and unhappier challenges, like depression, grief or trauma, your world is flipped upside down, plummeting you to unexpectedly dark and lonely place, lacking clarity and feeling out of depth, are you unsure how to change this right now?
The unexpected is just that.. unexpected and unplanned.. your mind may have made attempts to plan and narrative the outcomes of situations, in an attempt to process and determine an action to take and in doing so you remain unsure and unclear of what to do and how to do it.
We have unbelievable resources in our mind and body, that are valuable and beautiful assets. When we resource the inner powers we can feel unstoppable and belief in what we deserve from life and seize it, meaning that the unexpected is easier to handle and we travel forward with ease.
How I changed my mindset to deal with the unexpected.
When I realised that I didn't need to control everything and determine an indeterminate outcome the magic started happening.
I started to save energy and relinquish control..... I shared responsibility and resources with others, who helped me to find answers, solutions and retain energy to do practical stuff to change the circumstances.... this gave me power both in the ideas I had, the resources I could use and in the energy that had previously been depleted. .....
The single most powerful thing I have ever done when the unexpected has happened has ask for help.
I verbalise the truest feelings, like "this feels scary" , " I'm worried it will go wrong" or " this experience is emotionally painful" giving me a sense of acknowledgement and opening a space for acceptance and resolve.
I began trusting my decisions (particularly when the decision was to ask for help!).... opinions and viewpoints are of course useful.... but innately if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right, for you.... I began to collaborate more and more with my unconscious mind and invited my thoughts to explore solutions in my sleep.... this helped me to sleep deeper and be calm at night, knowing that dreaming was a place where I can explore the answers I needed up and wake up with a clearer mind set. Trusting yourself.
I changed personal narratives to become a collaborator rather than a competitor and in doing so found I was winning more from life than ever before.
I invited stories and listened to peoples experiences of dealing with the unexpected. I began to model my own reactions on their success's and methods of tolerance or acceptance, or creativity and resolve.
Finding comfort in re-framing "risk" as "adventure", "failure" as "experience" and "limitations" as "learning".. In doing this I rediscovered skills and knowledge that I had forgotten about, like problem solving, story-telling and innovation.
Now, still I give my self permission for time and nurture the impatient and eager child within while I resource the trust, innovations and connections that allow me to embrace the unexpected.
